History Repeating
by Jennifer Dutcher (Jan. ’02)
I'm watching my older sister, Heather. She turns to my little nephew and says, “John Jeremiah,” in that stern motherly voice. THEN she raises her menacing eyebrow so even my nine-month-old nephew knows he's being obnoxious. Heather said she wouldn't turn into Mom. But THAT really came true! The point is that history repeats itself, whether we want it to or not. I've learned this my first semester in college.
I thought college would be different. I naively assumed when I stepped into my new dorm room and looked at my class schedule, I would suddenly become a responsible adult who would know how to do everything correctly. No more tardiness or skipping class for me. Survey says? EHHH! First example: the second day of college. The SECOND day, this bubbly college student wakes up and rolls over to see that it's 8:15. Niiiice, I think — still have another 45 snoozing minutes. I sleep for another 10 when I decide to pull out my schedule again and remind myself how cool it is to be alone and responsible. Staring back at me is Music Theory 8:30. SECOND day of college, and I'm sitting in class in bright yellow pajamas.
That was almost 4 months ago and I'm still repeating my history and habits. I still skip some class for mental health days. I still leave my English Comp to do until two hours before it's due. And I'm still making mistakes in my relationships. The good news? I'm also still trying to improve.
The same is true for my spiritual life. We're all striving for sainthood but the majority of us won't make it. It only matters that we're still trying to improve. Subdeacon Jimmy Shadid once told us in our college group, “God doesn't care where you've been. He's looking at where you're headed.” The comforting thought is that we have the Church. Confession helps lead us back on the right path.
Let the good history repeat itself, but try to learn from the past. As St. John of the Ladder said, "Do not be surprised if you fall every day. Do not give up. Stand your ground courageously and the angel who guards you will honor your patience." May God bless you all and give you the courage to stand back up when you fall.
