What do you look for in a member of the opposite sex? (Mar. '01)
He Said by Micah Shiflet
Wow, where to begin? I think I should mention that the importance placed on some of these qualities varies with the person involved.
Not mentioning physical appearance first is a double-edged sword. Mention it first though, and people think you’re shallow. Don’t mention it, and people assume you’re kidding the world on how much value you place on looks. So here it is: yes, whether you’re physically attracted to someone does matter, but without the rest of what I’ll talk about, it matters very little overall.
A good sense of humor is absolutely essential. Life isn’t always meant to be taken so seriously. Sometimes things can be so bad, or become so ridiculous, that one has no choice but to laugh about them. And if you’re laughing together, that helps.
Just because I haven’t mentioned this next one until now certainly doesn’t mean that it’s not important. I just take it as an absolute that one of the qualities you look for is that the other person has a similar moral code as your own. I say ‘similar’ because rarely do you find two people who agree on everything completely. And ‘similar’ is indeed necessary, because it’s hard to spend time, let alone be in a relationship, with someone who makes moral decisions that are vastly different than your own.
Intelligence is definitely a significant quality. While it’s nice to be able to hold a conversation on whatever topic you choose, one has to be careful as well. It’s very easy for someone to demean another in a relationship by making them feel intellectually inferior without realizing they’re doing it.
Honesty. A nice smile. A good laugh to go along with the sense of humor. Kindness towards others. Patience. The ability to know when to give a person their space and when to give support. A tolerance for sports-viewing. The ability to forgive. A willingness to have fun. A love for animals. The ability to be true to yourself in a relationship, and remain so over time.
I should mention that all of these matter very little without chemistry existing between myself and that other person. Without that spark, relationships aren’t fun or good for either of the people involved.
Today there’s a lot of pressure just to be in a relationship simply for the sake of being in one. However, I’m learning to be realistic and honest about what I’m looking for, and that doesn’t mean settling for something that won’t make myself and the other person happy. Not compromising on the things you value is the only way to be fair to yourself and others, and perhaps has an attractiveness all its own.
She Said by Jane S.
I, being a teenage girl, have extensive knowledge on this topic. What qualities do I look for in a guy? I’ll go through them, in the order that they occur.
The first thing that anyone notices is physical appearance. This might sound shallow, but that would only be the case if this was all you based your decision on, and it shouldn’t be. It’s not high on the list of priorities, but it’s definitely high on the list of things you notice first. You don’t see someone passing by and say: “Wow, he looks like he has good morals…” Let’s face it: it’s in a guy’s favor if his physical appearance appeals to you. However, I do not believe in love at first sight, or even like for that matter. You have to talk to the person, and then you can truly see his more important qualities. This is where who he is as a person comes into play.
Morals are one of the most significant features in anyone. Period. We, as Orthodox Christians, should see that someone’s moral conscience is one of his most important qualities. If he is immoral and does not make good decisions, this should strike you as being terribly un-attractive.
Having a sense of humor is also very important to me. If a guy doesn’t know how to laugh, conversation is normally very dry to say the least. Some girls aren’t attracted to guys who joke around, but I find it very appealing.
Intelligence is another factor that comes into play. I’m not saying that someone who is not “up to par” with you in the wit department could not be a suitable match, but I find it helps if he has a good head on his shoulders.
Kindness towards others is a very big deal to me. If a person is compassionate concerning the needs of others, it reflects what they feel is important in life. This is a wonderful judge of character.
Lastly, if you cannot talk to a person with ease, and without inhibitions, you most likely will not relate on the level that is needed for a gratifying relationship.
I often find that if a guy has the above qualities, he seems much more attractive as a person in the physical sense. Sometimes when you see a person who is very attractive, and begin to talk to him, you realize that he is not very attractive as a human being. Yes, he may meet your outward appearance criteria, but is lacking in other areas. On the other hand, you might strike up a conversation with a person who is not a “hottie of the month” candidate, but is simply glowing in his personality and individual characteristics. All of a sudden, this rather ordinary guy starts to look a little extraordinary in appearance.
Different people search for different qualities in a member of the opposite sex. But I think it’s important to look beneath the surface, and find out what a person is really like. Only then, can you find someone who is truly right for you.
