How do you feel about inter-SOYO relationships? (Apr. ’02)
He Said by Joe Abdalah
Being posed with this question, I cannot help but have mixed feelings. Meeting people in SOYO is wonderful – it opens the door for us to make new friends that will last a lifetime. The reason these friendships do not fall apart over the years is because we share the same morals, values, and beliefs. Sharing the same values and beliefs with someone else is the only way to have a true relationship. If two people don't have the same beliefs about marriage, how can they hope their marriage will be successful? What I am saying is this – the people we meet from SOYO are great to have relationships with because we share similar outlooks on life.
From a guy’s perspective, there is an added bonus. Not only do we have girls who share the Holy Orthodox faith with us, but the girls in SOYO are quite beautiful as well. There are so many girls in SOYO I'd like to get to know and possibly even date.
This isn’t to say that everything is easy. I also have a conflicting take on this topic. These people we meet through SOYO are great for us, but we're still in high school or college. The reality of the situation is that most of the people we meet through SOYO live far away from one another. Are we willing to dedicate the time and energy to sustain a long-distance relationship when we have so many other things to worry about? These relationships are very hard to keep up with and very demanding to keep healthy.
Being in SOYO helps us make the best of friends and helps us build relationships, even ones that could lead to marriage. But for now we are young, and we should not be faced with more struggles than we need. When we are dating one another, we often separate from the rest of our SOYO friends. This diminishes other friendships, which I believe are more important in this stage of our lives. Having friends who help us get through the struggles we already have is quite important. Building a friendship on the same values as I would a romantic relationship is better for now, and could eventually turn into something later on down the road. I have had a few experiences with SOYO relationships, and after each one I realized that I should wait till later to date a SOYO girl. Relationships later in life, in my opinion, have more of a chance to turn into something like marriage. Why date someone now when you know if you wait it could be something so much better? When we’re older, many of us will have the resources to see one another more often, allowing us to grow spiritually together more easily.
For now, I want to conclude by saying that SOYO is a great place to meet people and become great friends, and possible find a wonderful person to date later on in life, when our lives settle down.
She Said by Dolly Bahbah
While I am at school, I encounter my friends fighting with their boyfriends, saying that they “hate them,” and the next second they are back with them. I do not understand why they cannot just get along, and stop fighting over immature things. I see my friends go through stress over how their boyfriends mistreat them and cheat on them. When Joey and I were talking on the phone and he told me the topic of what we are writing about, I thought to myself, this is a great topic, because there’s so much to discuss about inter- SOYO relationships.
The chief argument for such a relationship is that you would have someone that believes in the same faith, and would understand the meaning of our traditions. When two people are involved with the same religion, it brings you closer to Christ. Christ should be the center of every relationship, for it does say in 2 Corinthians 6:14 “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” I have learned that my true friends are my friends of the same faith. People of different religions are harder to understand and to get along with. When we talk about our religions, it ends up turning into an argument.
Unfortunately, there are numerous drawbacks to having an inter-SOYO relationship. When two people get together, they can be easily distracted from God as the center of their life. They might start going to church for the wrong reasons. Their whole family (in Christ) is affected by their relationship. Friends may get upset that their friend who is involved with someone is not spending enough time with them. If you have a relationship with someone in SOYO and you break up, it might be the cause of spiritual struggle. You may think to yourself “I’m not good enough” or “We’re meant for each other.” My response to this would be that going out is just another reason to break up. We can't say that because somebody is Orthodox they will not hurt us. The person may seem to be a spiritual individual, but that doesn't mean the relationship won’t have its challenges. We are human, and no relationship or individual is going to be perfect. We can’t have the picture-perfect relationship that’s depicted on TV. Personally, I do not believe in these “relationships.” God will have the right person for you and He will put that person in your life at the right time.
The people in SOYO that we see at conferences and at camps are members of our family for life. Who knows if your friend from camp will be your future spouse? My Sunday school teachers met at a conference and now are married. We should all pray that God puts that person in our life at the right time. He holds our future in His hands. Let us all trust Him and have faith in Him!
