Do parents treat boys and girls differently? (Oct. ’01)
He Said by Michael Ansara
Being a first generation Arab-American, the conditions I live under, and the way I am treated by my parents, seem radically different than what I normally see in similar Arab-American homes. My parents do not treat me any differently than they do my sisters. I am the youngest of four children in my family, and my siblings are all older girls. From my childhood, I can remember my dad always saying how Michael will be treated exactly the same as his sisters. I am very thankful for that, because children learn from their parents, and I would not want to be known as a person who treats boys differently than girls. That way of thinking seems “old fashioned” to me. The unique thing about my situation is that my grandparents, on both sides, are very set in their beliefs as to what roles each gender should play. I don’t understand where my parents learned their way of thinking about how to raise their family, but I love it! And their approach has had a direct influence on my immediate family. When my uncle first came from overseas he tended to be very strict towards girls and more open to boys. For instance, when guys would call for my girl cousin, my uncle would have a heart attack. But, when girls called for my boy cousin, it was just fine to my Uncle and he would not ever mention it. However, because of the influence of my parents, my cousins now share the same privilege that my sisters have always shared with me. My parents are concerned with who our friends are, but don’t limit who we are able to receive calls from. There has also been a certain trust built up between my parents and my sister and me. When my sisters started to drive, curfew on the weekends was 2:00 a. m. —no later. When I received my drivers license, the curfew was no more strict or lenient. It is, and always has been, 2:00 a.m. – no later. And to this day not one of us has attempted to break it. The only difference I see, if any, in what my parents expect of me in comparison to my sisters, is the length of my hair. Other than that, I can honestly say on behalf of myself and my siblings, that my parents are quite consistent on how they treat us.
She Said by Nicole Ghannam
As I sit here and ponder the above question, I find myself reflecting upon the way my parents treat me in comparison to my brother. I have come to conclude that my parents do not set a double standard in our home. There are seven members in my family. I have three sisters and one brother. My brother is the youngest of the five children. My sisters, as well as myself, help to make sure we are all given equal opportunities. My brother will have all the same privileges and set of standards as my other sisters and I have, with some exceptions.
One might ask, “How do you know that your brother, who is seven years younger, will not have more privileges than you?” The honest answer is, I don’t know! I can say, however, that I do have some privileges my oldest sister Angie did not have. Giving my sister and myself different privileges, I feel doesn’t fall under the category of treating us differently. I think that allowing us different privileges has to do with the ten-year span between us. I understand that during those ten years my parents learned a lot about raising their children, and they figured out what was the best for us. The reason that I brought up the comparison between my sister and me was to relate it to my brother. I know that my brother will be able to do things I wasn’t able to do. My parents aren’t ones to set double standards, but rather are ones who learn; they adjust privileges and set standards that they think are necessary. I, like my parents, do not believe in double standards. Granted, boys and girls are very different (sugar and spice and all that good stuff), but I feel that although our activities may not be the same, the basis of our life and the morals we have, should be the same. Just like the Church has set standards for us to follow so that we may lead a life which is pleasing to God, our homes should be set up in a similar way, one that is set on a Christian way of life.
After stating my thoughts and my experience, I am pleased to say that my parents do not treat boys differently than they do girls. I feel that we should all forget about double standards and live the kind of life God would like to see us live… one that is set on His standards.
