Living the Single Life
by Lisa McLoota (Feb. '01)
One of the biggest misconceptions in our society today is that to have a complete and/or happy life, you must be married after a certain age. Turn on the radio and it is full of sappy love songs about staying together forever. Even our sitcom television shows include married couples or young adults struggling with dating problems or looking for a potential husband or wife with whom to spend the rest of their life.
There are many stereotypes of people living a single life. People think they are less mature than a married person; the impression being that they are selfish and that they are only concerned with their own pleasures. I feel that young adults also feel pressure by ages 25-30 to find that one "right" person.
Jesus modeled the ideal of life not as a bachelor but as a person of faith in this world. Our goal is to live united with God. We can achieve this either married or single. In 1 Corinthians 7:32, it states, "But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord - how he may please the Lord. But he who is married cares about the things of the world - how he may please his wife. There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be whole both in body and spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world - how she may please her husband. And this I say to you for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you but for what is proper, and that you may serve the Lord without distraction." This quote from the Bible is not discriminating against marriage, but showing us that if you choose to be single in the Lord's eyes, it is good that you would choose to devote your life to Him. In 1 Corinthians 7:8 it says "But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: it is good for them if they remain even as I am."
None of this is to say that we are alone in our quest for salvation. First, we gain eternal life as a gift from Christ. The help we get from one another in the community - "encourage and build one another up in the faith" likewise furthers us along in this journey. Lastly, we precisely pray for the dead, "May their Memory be Eternal" because our prayers for one another really matter.
We can learn from the Bible that to be single is not a bad thing; it doesn't mean that we are selfish or that we are not mature. Regardless of the world today, we should know in our hearts and souls what is good for us as individuals and understand that being single should not be an insecurity in our lives.
What do you look for in a member of the opposite sex? (Mar. '01)
He Said by Micah Shiflet
Wow, where to begin? I think I should mention that the importance placed on some of these qualities varies with the person involved.
Not mentioning physical appearance first is a double-edged sword. Mention it first though, and people think you’re shallow. Don’t mention it, and people assume you’re kidding the world on how much value you place on looks. So here it is: yes, whether you’re physically attracted to someone does matter, but without the rest of what I’ll talk about, it matters very little overall.
A good sense of humor is absolutely essential. Life isn’t always meant to be taken so seriously. Sometimes things can be so bad, or become so ridiculous, that one has no choice but to laugh about them. And if you’re laughing together, that helps.
Just because I haven’t mentioned this next one until now certainly doesn’t mean that it’s not important. I just take it as an absolute that one of the qualities you look for is that the other person has a similar moral code as your own. I say ‘similar’ because rarely do you find two people who agree on everything completely. And ‘similar’ is indeed necessary, because it’s hard to spend time, let alone be in a relationship, with someone who makes moral decisions that are vastly different than your own.
Intelligence is definitely a significant quality. While it’s nice to be able to hold a conversation on whatever topic you choose, one has to be careful as well. It’s very easy for someone to demean another in a relationship by making them feel intellectually inferior without realizing they’re doing it.
Honesty. A nice smile. A good laugh to go along with the sense of humor. Kindness towards others. Patience. The ability to know when to give a person their space and when to give support. A tolerance for sports-viewing. The ability to forgive. A willingness to have fun. A love for animals. The ability to be true to yourself in a relationship, and remain so over time.
I should mention that all of these matter very little without chemistry existing between myself and that other person. Without that spark, relationships aren’t fun or good for either of the people involved.
Today there’s a lot of pressure just to be in a relationship simply for the sake of being in one. However, I’m learning to be realistic and honest about what I’m looking for, and that doesn’t mean settling for something that won’t make myself and the other person happy. Not compromising on the things you value is the only way to be fair to yourself and others, and perhaps has an attractiveness all its own.
She Said by Jane S.
I, being a teenage girl, have extensive knowledge on this topic. What qualities do I look for in a guy? I’ll go through them, in the order that they occur.
The first thing that anyone notices is physical appearance. This might sound shallow, but that would only be the case if this was all you based your decision on, and it shouldn’t be. It’s not high on the list of priorities, but it’s definitely high on the list of things you notice first. You don’t see someone passing by and say: “Wow, he looks like he has good morals…” Let’s face it: it’s in a guy’s favor if his physical appearance appeals to you. However, I do not believe in love at first sight, or even like for that matter. You have to talk to the person, and then you can truly see his more important qualities. This is where who he is as a person comes into play.
Morals are one of the most significant features in anyone. Period. We, as Orthodox Christians, should see that someone’s moral conscience is one of his most important qualities. If he is immoral and does not make good decisions, this should strike you as being terribly un-attractive.
Having a sense of humor is also very important to me. If a guy doesn’t know how to laugh, conversation is normally very dry to say the least. Some girls aren’t attracted to guys who joke around, but I find it very appealing.
Intelligence is another factor that comes into play. I’m not saying that someone who is not “up to par” with you in the wit department could not be a suitable match, but I find it helps if he has a good head on his shoulders.
Kindness towards others is a very big deal to me. If a person is compassionate concerning the needs of others, it reflects what they feel is important in life. This is a wonderful judge of character.
Lastly, if you cannot talk to a person with ease, and without inhibitions, you most likely will not relate on the level that is needed for a gratifying relationship.
I often find that if a guy has the above qualities, he seems much more attractive as a person in the physical sense. Sometimes when you see a person who is very attractive, and begin to talk to him, you realize that he is not very attractive as a human being. Yes, he may meet your outward appearance criteria, but is lacking in other areas. On the other hand, you might strike up a conversation with a person who is not a “hottie of the month” candidate, but is simply glowing in his personality and individual characteristics. All of a sudden, this rather ordinary guy starts to look a little extraordinary in appearance.
Different people search for different qualities in a member of the opposite sex. But I think it’s important to look beneath the surface, and find out what a person is really like. Only then, can you find someone who is truly right for you.
When is the right time to start a relationship? (May ’01)
He Said by Luis Albizu
There are many types of relationships. They range from a relationship between mutual or best friends, a family member of some sort, or a "dating" type of relationship. The main type that happens to be the center of my side of this article is on a relationship between a couple. Most young people think a relationship is something that you see on "Dawson's Creek" or some cheesy television sitcom. As ridiculous or tragic as this may sound, I happen to know people who I went to high school with who think a serious "boyfriend-girlfriend" relationship has to be like the ones on TV or it's not worth their time. Let's face it, There is no such thing as the perfect relationship or the perfect couple. Personally, I feel it would be best if you meet someone and just talk to them. Get to know them as a person and create a friendship and a bond. Go out in groups instead of one-on-one. You truly find out much more about that person and their likes/dislikes, habits, and their way of thinking, doing, and handling things. Sure it takes longer, but in the long run, it's worth it. In some situations you could've saved time and heartache by just really getting to know them. If you have that down, then great job, keep it up!
Personally, I was in a long-distance relationship, but unfortunately it didn’t seem to work out (for now). Maybe the timing just isn’t right yet. Did it affect our relationship with each other? Not at all. I believe it’s because we started out our relationship as friends, so we have a foundation that cannot be easily broken. It’s for the best because we are leaving it up to God, and if it’s meant to be, then kudos to us!
She Said by Tanya Khalaf
A common question occurs when two people have manifested their feelings to one another, “When is the right time to start a relationship?” First and foremost, both people must have a strong bond with God and the church, making Christ the center of all relationships. They must become friends and get to know one another. A strong friendship can often withstand conflicts, rather than succumb to problems. Those involved in intimate relationships are often influenced by the media, instead of turning to the church for answers. The teens of modern day society are pressured into believing that having a boyfriend or girlfriend is the thing to do. Joshua Harris, author of I Kissed Dating Goodbye, explains, “Too often, people want what they want (or what they think they want, which is usually “happiness” in one form or another) right now. The irony of their impatience is that only by learning to wait, and by a willingness to accept the bad with the good, do we usually attain those things that are truly worthwhile” (page 74). This explanation proves that people are too anxious to jump into relationships, and they must wait for this love. Remember, “The right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing” (page 73). Only when you are fully satisfied with God’s perfect unimaginable love will He provide you with a “deep soul relationship with another” (“God’s Love”).
What is Love? (Feb. ’02)
He Said by Michael Farha
God is love. Without God, nothing in this world would be joyful, and therefore happiness would cease to exist. Love is the strongest form of emotion. When two people find each other and realize they have common interests and that they like to be with each other, then the feeling of love may come into play. These two could possibly decide to get married because of that love and hopefully they will be blessed under God. Love is when a person shows another that he/she cares.
People have love for those who go through life sharing their ups and downs. If one ever gets the chance of meeting a sitti and gidi that have been together for over half their lifetimes, they will get a glimpse of true love. When a person is willing to give anything for someone, that is love. When they are willing to give everything to God, this is love and His love is always spread upon us. In Psalms 26:2-3 it reads, "Prove me, O Lord, and try me; test my heart and my mind. For Thy steadfast love is before my eyes and I walk in faithfulness to Thee." Without love we are nothing.
In 1st Corinthians 13:4-7, it follows, "Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up, does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things; believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." Love is the complete opposite of anything evil. Love sheds light on all that is evil and will eventually destroy it. Love is so abundant that it is difficult to describe everything about it. I think I can say that love is the true meaning of all goodness, everything blessed under the eyes of God. How can one put the true meaning of love into words? It is a great feeling and emotion that will take a person through a life with God if he/she allows it. Ultimately love is our Lord Jesus Christ giving up His life on the cross so that we may be saved from our sins.
She Said by Leigh Colmia
It's late Friday night and the phone rings. You scramble to get it and answer finding that it's your best friend. She sounds like something's wrong, and there is. You discover her boyfriend just dumped her for another girl. She says to you, "But I thought he loved me," and you are left puzzled.
What is love? Most people will answer: it is when two people get married and will pretty much do anything to make the other happy. In 1st Corinthians 13:4-8, 13 we find out what love truly is. "Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. If there are prophecies, they will be brought to nothing; if tongues, they will cease; if knowledge, it will be brought to nothing. So faith, hope, love remain, these three; but the greatest of these is love."
If the Bible cannot tell what love is, then I don't know what can. Love is not a word that should be “thrown around.” The verse says love endures all things. Why then is there divorce? If love never fails, how can so many hearts become broken? At this age, we are too young to understand what love really is. After reading this, it may leave you puzzled as to how we get the idea of love at first sight. How can a person be in love with someone after their first glimpse? I mean can someone honestly look at a person and say, "Wow! I know that he/she will be able to show me true love." Even after a few dates people might not know that. One has to get to know someone before they can justify whether they're in love. Be careful with love. It IS fragile. Yes, relationships right now will be full of heartache and pain, but, hey, that is sometimes how we learn what true love really is. We must find someone who will bring us closer to God not further away when we are looking for our true love. Love is patient. Therefore, we must be patient in finding true love.
How do you feel about inter-SOYO relationships? (Apr. ’02)
He Said by Joe Abdalah
Being posed with this question, I cannot help but have mixed feelings. Meeting people in SOYO is wonderful – it opens the door for us to make new friends that will last a lifetime. The reason these friendships do not fall apart over the years is because we share the same morals, values, and beliefs. Sharing the same values and beliefs with someone else is the only way to have a true relationship. If two people don't have the same beliefs about marriage, how can they hope their marriage will be successful? What I am saying is this – the people we meet from SOYO are great to have relationships with because we share similar outlooks on life.
From a guy’s perspective, there is an added bonus. Not only do we have girls who share the Holy Orthodox faith with us, but the girls in SOYO are quite beautiful as well. There are so many girls in SOYO I'd like to get to know and possibly even date.
This isn’t to say that everything is easy. I also have a conflicting take on this topic. These people we meet through SOYO are great for us, but we're still in high school or college. The reality of the situation is that most of the people we meet through SOYO live far away from one another. Are we willing to dedicate the time and energy to sustain a long-distance relationship when we have so many other things to worry about? These relationships are very hard to keep up with and very demanding to keep healthy.
Being in SOYO helps us make the best of friends and helps us build relationships, even ones that could lead to marriage. But for now we are young, and we should not be faced with more struggles than we need. When we are dating one another, we often separate from the rest of our SOYO friends. This diminishes other friendships, which I believe are more important in this stage of our lives. Having friends who help us get through the struggles we already have is quite important. Building a friendship on the same values as I would a romantic relationship is better for now, and could eventually turn into something later on down the road. I have had a few experiences with SOYO relationships, and after each one I realized that I should wait till later to date a SOYO girl. Relationships later in life, in my opinion, have more of a chance to turn into something like marriage. Why date someone now when you know if you wait it could be something so much better? When we’re older, many of us will have the resources to see one another more often, allowing us to grow spiritually together more easily.
For now, I want to conclude by saying that SOYO is a great place to meet people and become great friends, and possible find a wonderful person to date later on in life, when our lives settle down.
She Said by Dolly Bahbah
While I am at school, I encounter my friends fighting with their boyfriends, saying that they “hate them,” and the next second they are back with them. I do not understand why they cannot just get along, and stop fighting over immature things. I see my friends go through stress over how their boyfriends mistreat them and cheat on them. When Joey and I were talking on the phone and he told me the topic of what we are writing about, I thought to myself, this is a great topic, because there’s so much to discuss about inter- SOYO relationships.
The chief argument for such a relationship is that you would have someone that believes in the same faith, and would understand the meaning of our traditions. When two people are involved with the same religion, it brings you closer to Christ. Christ should be the center of every relationship, for it does say in 2 Corinthians 6:14 “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” I have learned that my true friends are my friends of the same faith. People of different religions are harder to understand and to get along with. When we talk about our religions, it ends up turning into an argument.
Unfortunately, there are numerous drawbacks to having an inter-SOYO relationship. When two people get together, they can be easily distracted from God as the center of their life. They might start going to church for the wrong reasons. Their whole family (in Christ) is affected by their relationship. Friends may get upset that their friend who is involved with someone is not spending enough time with them. If you have a relationship with someone in SOYO and you break up, it might be the cause of spiritual struggle. You may think to yourself “I’m not good enough” or “We’re meant for each other.” My response to this would be that going out is just another reason to break up. We can't say that because somebody is Orthodox they will not hurt us. The person may seem to be a spiritual individual, but that doesn't mean the relationship won’t have its challenges. We are human, and no relationship or individual is going to be perfect. We can’t have the picture-perfect relationship that’s depicted on TV. Personally, I do not believe in these “relationships.” God will have the right person for you and He will put that person in your life at the right time.
The people in SOYO that we see at conferences and at camps are members of our family for life. Who knows if your friend from camp will be your future spouse? My Sunday school teachers met at a conference and now are married. We should all pray that God puts that person in our life at the right time. He holds our future in His hands. Let us all trust Him and have faith in Him!
Trials of Dating in College by Laryssa Grinenko (Apr. ’02)
College…a chance to move on from our high school lives and experience new places, challenges, and people. It’s a transition to maturity that is anticipated by almost all high school students. When I moved up to school at UC Santa Barbara, how tough my classes were going to be was not the first thing on my mind: I couldn’t wait to go out to Isla Vista and meet all the hot boys.
For a while, it was fun; going out on the town every Friday and Saturday night (sometimes Wednesdays and Thursdays, too), meeting tons of people (most of whom won’t remember me later because they were so drunk), getting acquainted with my new surroundings. But after the first quarter, it became evident to me: walking up and down the streets of Del Playa on a weekend night is probably not going to be the best place for me to find a lasting, meaningful, healthy relationship.
I won’t deny it, I did meet tons of hot guys going to random house and fraternity parties. But despite their looks, their intentions all seemed to be to get me as drunk as possible so they could take advantage of me later. Granted, not all guys roaming the streets had this intention, but odds are, not many of the guys out on Friday and Saturday nights are looking for a serious relationship. This started to bother me. How am I going to be married by age 23 if I can’t find the guy I’m going to marry soon? I thought to myself.
After about 3 weeks of being away at school, another naivete of mine started to rear its ugly head. In college, guys are not just content with a completely platonic relationship. If you are in a relationship, sex is expected. Not just vaginal sex, but other forms of stimulation are expected. This was something I was definitely NOT okay with. I don’t like to think of myself as a prude, but I was not exactly willing to hop in the sack with some guy just because we are dating and because we are in college. That is just stupid to me.
In the first couple weeks of school, I met a guy that I really enjoyed spending time with. Almost every night we hung out, did something around campus, or just sat and talked. From my perspective, I thought I was meeting a genuinely nice guy with whom maybe I could pursue a relationship with. However, he was thinking something different. One night, he invited me down to watch a movie with him, a seemingly innocent offer, so I accepted. While watching the movie, he started acting strangely and then asked if I wanted to turn on some music. Seeing as we were watching a movie, I was a little confused; but I told him if he wanted to, he was more than welcome to turn some on. I diverted my attention back to the movie. Then he laid down on the bed next to me and after a few moments proceeded to make some advances, ones that I, as an Orthodox Christian, did not want, nor did I see, coming. At that moment, I stopped him and asked him what he was doing. Apparently, by accepting his offer to come down and watch the movie with him, he thought I had agreed to hook up with him that night. Maybe I am just incredibly naïve, but I had never in my life assumed that when I am invited to watch a movie with a guy that there would be some sort of sexual activity going on. Still, as a male college student, he was not looking for a relationship, but just some girl to satisfy his needs.
Seeing as we were friends before this incident happened, I sat with him that night and talked to him about what just happened. Another problem with college guys is that most of them are pretty well educated, so they try to use their intelligence to their advantage. Before I knew it, this guy was trying to convince me that the reason I did not want to do anything with him was because I was insecure and that I did not have enough positive self-esteem to allow myself to have some fun. Needless to say, this upset me enormously. It irritated me that someone, trying to get someone to fool around with them, would try to capitalize on an insecurity that they sensed. Thankfully, I was quite secure with myself and did not fall for his pathetic attempt.
That night really made me mad. It was not so much that he tried to make unwanted advances — that is something that you learn to deal with in college. What really bothered me was that because I was adamant in not having sex with him, I was therefore pinned as insecure and low in self-esteem, when the opposite is true. Standing up for what I believe to someone who I really like and wanted to grow closer to was a hard thing to do. Unfortunately, because I stood up for myself, whatever relationship we had, or were to have, stopped and now we barely ever talk except for an occasional “hi” as we pass each other in the halls of our dorm. For a while, I wasn’t sure if I had made the right decision.
Maybe I should look at his point of view some more; after all, it is college, a time to experiment, right? Then I caught myself. This is exactly what the Devil wants me to think. He implants doubts in my head, little thoughts that question all that I’ve believed my entire life, and leaves them in my head for me to dwell on. After driving myself crazy, I rolled over in my bed and saw my little red Orthodox Prayer Book lying on the refrigerator next to me. All I had to do was open it up and read the incredible first words — “In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.” How could I have even doubted my faith for a second? God has given me so much and has not led me astray; why should I not trust his guidance now?
It is hard for me to believe that what I went through is something that no other Orthodox Christian college freshman goes through in his or her first couple months of school. Nevertheless, in colleges where the percentage of Orthodox Christians is smaller than the percentage of sexually active students, it’s nice to be able to go to church on Sunday and see that I’m surrounded by people who are going through the same things that I am.
Is there a difference between dating someone from church vs. someone at school? (May ’02)
He Said by George Matook
Is there any difference between going out with an Orthodox girl and a non- Orthodox girl? Absolutely. There is a significant advantage to having a relationship with an Orthodox girl. For one thing, you believe in the same things as she does. Of course, this is a definite “in” with her family. “Oh, he’s that nice boy from St. George’s?” But seriously, beliefs, in both the spiritual and moral sense, should be the foundation of any relationship that is worth a piece of Syrian bread. In essence, especially with a union between two Orthodox teens, the relationship is built upon this common ground.
There is also a great danger in dating a non-Orthodox girl. What if she doesn’t have the same morals as you? What if she thinks sex before marriage is OK? Hopefully, you follow the teachings of the Church regarding these issues, but how strong is your moral fiber? Your belief in Orthodox values would most likely be put to the test in a relationship with a non-Orthodox girl. How long could you possibly resist the temptations present without support from the other side of the relationship? It would certainly be a challenge to say the least. And in order to discover how the girl feels about these kinds of things, a potentially awkward conversation would have to ensue. This discussion could be very embarrassing for both parties, especially the Orthodox boy. After all, it is always the boy (stereotypically of course) who wants “to get to know” the girl better, if you catch my drift. Now it is the boy who must say “no.” This could prove to be a great test of his faith and moral character, and a dangerous test at that.
Another obvious difference between a relationship with an Orthodox and one with a non-Orthodox girl would be the greater ease of growing closer to God with an Orthodox girl. After all, at least theoretically, all girlfriends are potential wives. Your relationship should always be a means of growing closer to God. Your relationship should strengthen your faith and draw you towards the shelter of Christ. How much easier is it to do that with an Orthodox girl? You both already believe and practice the same things concerning your faith. When the relationship begins to become more serious (especially when the supposed point of dating is looking for a wife), an Orthodox girl would make even more sense.
All in all, there can be some major differences between dating a non-Orthodox girl versus an Orthodox girl. Most of these differences are based on disagreeing ideologies. However, if one were so lucky as to date a non-Orthodox girl who has the same morality, there would probably be little or no problem. Yes, we are teenage boys in America and subject to all the facts and myths that go with this situation, but we must be strong and most importantly of all, be Orthodox.
She Said by Mary Pier
There is definitely a difference between dating someone Orthodox and someone from school! First of all, when we distinguish between the two, we must assume that this Orthodox boy is someone that we would meet through our church, SOYO, or the Antiochian Village. We also must assume that this boy upholds Orthodox Christian values and morals. The other category would include people that we know from school, work, or from an extracurricular activity and who are not Orthodox. I’ve dated people from both sides and there is no question that these people are different from each other. But how different are they?
Orthodox and non-Orthodox guys, although different in some respects, are still very much the same. Both are able to make you smile and laugh. Unfortunately, they are both able to make you cry and to hurt you. You can be attracted to them, in love with them, not get along with them at all. We are all attracted to a certain type of person; we can’t help that. When we consider dating someone, personality and physical appearance make up the majority of our decision. Thus, we can be attracted and like both Orthodox and non-Orthodox boys.
On the surface there seems to be no difference at all. However, just as we can feel more connected and in tune with our Orthodox friends than our school friends, we can feel more connected to our Orthodox boyfriends. The spiritual bond of Orthodoxy is built through common experiences of sharing a faith and upholding the same religious values in the world. Also, when we compare and contrast both Orthodox and non-Orthodox boys, the quality of “Orthodoxy” can make a world of difference. As I said before, a guy who is Orthodox is someone with similar moral values as you. Because of this, they are more likely to be kind, respectful, and have the same expectations and values concerning relationships as you. As a consequence, these “Orthodox” guys seem to be more of the type of guy that we would want to date and bring home to our parents.
However, there are a few catches. It is very possible to find someone who is kind, respectful, and who shares similar moral values, but is not Orthodox. There are many non-Orthodox boys out there whom you would definitely want to date and bring home to mom and dad. In addition, there are healthy relationships and there are inappropriate ones, regardless of whether the boy you are dating is Orthodox or not. There is a time and place for everything. Sometimes, we can get too engrossed in a relationship and forget other important things like God, our families, and friends. Right now, it may be better to just build friendships instead of serious relationships. Cause girls, you know that when we fall, we fall hard. By the sixth month at least, we have the wedding planned, the kids named, and the Godparents picked out. Situations change, and so do people. In reality, none of us is prepared to make a long-term commitment at this stage of the game.
In closing, no relationship is perfect. Dating someone Orthodox doesn’t guarantee happiness or a diamond ring, just as planning a picnic doesn’t guarantee fair weather and no ants. The best advice that anyone could give concerning dating is to “Let go, and trust God.” God has a plan for us, and we need to listen to Him. We’ll find our Prince Charming who will sweep us off our feet up onto his white horse and off into the sunset. (And for the Arabs out there, you’ll find your Prince Aladdin and he’ll sweep you off your feet up onto his magic carpet and off into the sunset.)
How do you get over someone? (Jun. ’02)
He Said by Elias Fanous
How do you get over someone? A question for the ages... well, maybe. At any rate this question is an important one. Sometimes getting over someone can be easy and other times it can be quite difficult. It depends on how long you were with that someone. If it was a short relationship, it will probably be easier. However, with the time, effort, and emotion invested in a long relationship, it’s considerably more challenging. You begin to think that the person may be the one. It would be nice to be able to say, “It wasn’t meant to be,” and to move on with your daily routine. However, after a long relationship, it’s not that easy. You can’t just pick up and move on, because whether you know it or not, there will always be that part of you saying, “I miss her.” You start to notice how all the little things around you seem to remind you of that person, from songs on the radio to common landmarks in your area. It leaves you wondering if you will ever get over that person.
It’s a daunting task, but it can be done. I have found that immersing yourself with those closest to you helps jump-start the healing process. Being around those you love and those you know love you always helps. Also, talk to your priest – that’s what he’s there for. Tell him what’s going on in your life, and he will do his best to help you. Don’t be afraid that your priest will look at you in a different way. Confiding in my priest has helped me in so many ways; I know I wouldn’t be the same without him.
Writing is another way to get over someone. Write a poem, write a song, or just write in a journal. Guys, it’s ok to have a journal.
Finally, when the time is right, get back into the swing of things. Like the saying goes, “Get back on the horse even after it throws you off.” The best way to get over someone is to move on and date again.
When it comes down to it, each and every one of us is different in our own ways and we all deal with things differently. To each his own. When you really care, getting over someone is and always will be a difficult task. There is no one way to do it. Just look deep inside yourself, speak to God, and ultimately you will find the right path.
She Said by Hiba Hadshiti
This is a question that almost everyone has to deal with sometime in their lives. To be able to get over someone is very hard, especially when you’ve been in a long, honest, and loving relationship. Everyone has his/her own point of view on how to get over someone, but as Orthodox Christians we have to look at it in a special way.
“Getting over someone” is perhaps putting it too simply; “accepting the fact that the relationship wasn't meant to be” might be better. As Orthodox Christians, we must not “get over it” and move on. As stated in Matthew 5:23-24, “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.” In this passage, Jesus is telling us that we should never have hate towards anyone. Without love and forgiveness, we cannot all commune with one another as God intends.
In an Orthodox Christian relationship, we hopefully grow together as brothers and sisters in Christ, not as boyfriends and girlfriends. In doing this, we should never find ourselves having to get over anything. To concern ourselves with such things is foolish, for God tells us not to worry, because he tells us in Matthew 6:32-34 that our heavenly Father knows what we need. We must “first seek the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things shall be” given to us. “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
We must realize that God is the most important person in our lives. We have Him, and we always will. We should know that Christ offers us more love than anyone could ever offer us, and that through Him, everything is possible. We should seek comfort by fellowshipping with our brothers and sisters in Christ, going to church, and talking about the situation to make us feel better.
No matter what happens between the two of you, you should never hate one another, for the Lord tells us in Matthew 5:43-45, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven….” This passage is telling us not to hate anyone. Instead of going out and thinking bad thoughts of the person, try to think good things and accept that it wasn't meant to be; try to become friends through Christ.
All in all, there are many different ways to get over different situations. Each situation will ultimately be resolved according to its circumstances and the people who are involved. However, no matter what happens, we should always look to Jesus Christ as our Savior, protector, and helper through any situation. When you’re struggling, always trust in God to get you through.