How Do You Feel About Mixed-Religion Marriages? Why? (Apr. '01)
He Said by Randy Bahbah
Marriage is one of the sacraments of the church, which makes it as important as Baptism or Chrismation. I think when someone gets married in the church they are following God’s teachings in the way that we should live our lives. Moreover, our lives should be lived without anger, greed, and jealousy. I know that going throughout your life without feeling any of those sins would be unlikely, but I think a good portion of those sins can be prevented by a single decision of marrying someone with the same faith.
I think when we talk about mixed-religion marriages, we really want to know if it will work out or not. So to start off, I guess I’ll name a few tiny questions that might cause a problem. First, what church will the marriage take place in? Then, what church will you attend after you get married? What about Communion and Baptism? As you can see, my advice on marrying someone who is of a different faith would be that it is not recommended, but to be fair, it also depends on the situation. If someone is not strong in practicing his or her own faith then the dilemma of converting will not be too serious for the individual and the marriage would work out without any problems of converting (other than not having a close relationship with God). On the other hand, if someone were strong towards in his or her own faith, I think the choice of marriage would more than likely be with someone of the person’s own faith, therefore eliminating the problem from the start.
Once again, Marriage is a sacrament of the church and should be treated with proper respect. In years past, a concept such as a mixed-religion marriage would never have been considered. Now, living in a society with lax standards, it’s rare that we give the idea a second thought (above and beyond this column). If we understand that God is the center of all relationships, then I believe the person as an individual will not have to think about marrying outside his or her own faith.
She Said by Natasha Katrib
I feel that for two people to love each other enough they should share the same interests, and most importantly, their religion and commitment of faith. As an Orthodox Christian, I feel that the Church is the center of my life, and the focus in my eyes. As I go day-by-day, I focus on Christ and the faith that I believe in. I honestly don't think that I could go about my day without knowing that I had God by my side. I could not imagine spending my whole life with someone who doesn't feel the same way. I want to share a special bond, one that isn’t just between my husband and me, but one that contains God as our center, holding us together.
I’m sure that to many people religion is not very important. I feel that it has to do with how you have grown up, and the faith that you have grown up in. I can't even imagine how challenging it would be to be married to someone that wasn't Orthodox. How would the wedding service be? How would we pray together? What church would our family attend? In what religion would we raise our children? And most importantly... how would we be bonded and united with God, if we both believed in different things about God? These are a few if the questions that would arise from a marriage between two people of different religions. They are questions that can be avoided if you’re convinced you can’t imagine sharing your life and your faith with a person who isn’t Orthodox.
A Sister’s Wedding
by Lillian Saad (Feb. ’02)
I love weddings. I love the fact that two people have found each other in this vast world. And I think it is one of the most beautiful events that can occur in life. I was blessed to go on a trip to Lebanon this past summer. Not just any trip though, it was my sister's wedding. On June 10, 2001, my family departed from Wichita, Kansas, for the wedding of my oldest sister in Balamand, Lebanon. We had seven days to get ready for the wedding. Thank God for the grooms family in Lebanon, who did most of the work before we got there. It was the most beautiful wedding I have ever attended. (I may be biased though, seeing how the bride is my sister.) I’m sure that even if she wasn't related to me I would still have to say that the wedding was out of some story-book.
In Lebanon, there are many wedding traditions that I had to learn about. Two days before the wedding, the groom's family puts on a formal party and almost everyone who is invited to the wedding itself is present. It is more like a hafleh (celebration), but trust me, in Lebanon, it is even more fun. It was a beautiful night with music, dancing, a mesa of food, and, of course, cutting the cake. The night before the wedding the bride's family throws a party. But because we had a whole week's worth of tiresome planning and preparations, we opted to go out to a nice restaurant right on the Mediterranean. Little did we know that after eleven this restaurant has an open dance floor! And having Arab-dancing blood running through our veins... we just had to dance. We took over the dance floor; it was a beautiful evening.
On the wedding day, everybody got up and ate breakfast. The hairdressers and the bride’s family came around noon to help us prepare for the big day that was before us. The groom and the groomsmen were dressing and anxiously anticipating their arrival at the church. The groom’s immediate family went to his house to take pictures and prepare to escort the bride to the church. Around 2:00 p.m the photographer came to take pictures of the not-so-ready bride and her immediate family. Needless to say, we were running on an “Arab time schedule.” The groom’s immediate family arrived around 4:00 p.m. to take some photographs with the bride and her family. At 5:00 p.m. the fathers escorted the bride out of her house and into the limo for the journey to the Balamand Monastery. We arrived around 5:45 p.m. and saw a massive crowd.
Before entering the church, the bride is escorted by both her father and the groom’s father to meet her future husband. Here the fathers greet the bride and the groom with a kiss, and the bride’s father places her hand in the hands of her soon-to-be husband. This symbolizes the fathers’ uniting their children and their acceptance of their marriage. Inside, the church was so full that there was barely any room for anyone to sit. The icons on the altar were so breathtaking with their Byzantine appearance, and the aisle was decorated with several arches of assorted white flowers which added to the beauty of the church. There is a very wonderful event in traditional Orthodox weddings in which the bride, groom, and priest untie a bow at the back of the church. This symbolizes the couple beginning their life together in the church. While chanting and censing, the priest then leads the bride and groom to the altar for the ceremony. One fact about the wedding ceremony that I was not aware of: the priest is the one to put the ring on the bride’s hand, not her husband. This represents the fact that Christ is the one who unites the man and woman in this sacred bond. Kissing is not permitted in the church; at the end of the ceremony my brother-in law laid a gentle kiss on her forehead. Once they were out of the church they kissed, and he carried her to the patio. After about half an hour of more pictures we all got into the limousine and headed over to the Octagon, a very nice restaurant in the secluded mountainous region of northern Lebanon, only a short 20- minute drive from Balamand University and church. When we arrived, we formed a line of immediate family and wedding party members, greeting each and every guest who attended. I have never kissed so many people in my life! It must have taken at least an hour for everyone to arrive and go through the line. Next was the delicious mesa of food that was prepared for the cocktail party. I say mesa because I have never seen anything so beautiful. In Lebanon, artists like to embellish everything! Whether they are chefs or designers, everything has to be extravagant and beautiful. There were boats of meat pies, and towers of baklava, and some food that I had never seen before but that tasted great. My sister and her husband used a sword to cut the cake. It looked like so much fun. It was a storybook wedding, and I can only pray to find a love as wonderful as theirs.
SO... is this to say that the only way a man and woman can get married is with an extravagant wedding with all the bells and whistles? Or is this to say that a wedding must be “fairy-tale”-like to really count? By all means NO. However, a man and a woman joining together is a beautiful event which should be celebrated to its fullest. This does not mean that we should become gluttons who are filled with drunkenness. But it does call for us to celebrate a union which has been given and blessed by God. In Ecclesiastes 3:1, we read “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven.” If the joining together of a man and a woman to make one life, one sacrifice before God, is not reason to celebrate, than what is?
In today’s society, especially here in America, weddings and marriages outside the Church have become more of a spectacle than a sacrament. Movie stars, for example, get married while dangling from helicopters or while skiing down a ski slope. Sure there may be celebrations and festivities, but is there the JOY that can only come from Christ being the bond? Marriage, just like the ring, should be unending. It’s not just one day to show off your pretty dress and cake to the world. On the contrary, the cup of marriage includes BOTH joys and sorrows. This is quite often lost in our present-day way of life.
By all means a wedding should be celebrated to the fullest, for it is a wonderful event with the person God has given you. However, without the love and unity which only Christ can give, all the flowers, the dancing, and delicious food are only empty representations. It is the bond of Christ which truly unifies! This is what I felt at my sister’s wedding, and this is what I hope to feel at mine someday.
Sexuality and Marriage by Julianna Turk (Jun. ’02)
As teens in this society, we deal with many people who have different views, morals, and opinions on different things. One of these is premarital sex. Well, we know people think differently, but what are we supposed to think?
Being Orthodox Christians, we look to the Bible. Now in the Bible, pre-marital sex is called “fornication.” The Holy Book reads, “But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know, that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.” (Ephesians 5:3-5)
As you can see, fornication is looked down upon from the start. The Church teaches honesty and cleanliness amongst other things. Cleanliness is focused on in the church a lot – sometimes we don’t even think about the word because we chant it so often in church. Take the Theotokos, for example – we always call her the "Virgin" Mary stressing her cleanliness and purity. The priest or deacon says, “Calling to remembrance our all holy immaculate, most blessed and glorious lady Theotokos and ever Virgin Mary...” — which once again stresses her virginity. This is especially so during Holy Lent at the Bridegroom service where we say repeatedly, “Rejoice Oh Bride Without Bridegroom” — which reinforces the concept of her cleanliness. Of course, to maintain perspective, this is said about the Mother of Christ. However, the point is to show how much the Church uses “virginity” in our services.
We are called to live like Christ, and therefore we are constantly involved in the “war against the flesh.” As St. Paul writes, “I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like....” (Galatians 5:16-21)
In this passage by St. Paul, the word “flesh” is a general term for evil actions encompassing more than simply sins of the flesh such as adultery. He also includes sins of the mind such as envy. It is important to remember that God created the world good. Our bodies are not evil. Rather, it is our choice to do good with what God has given us, or to sin. We must “war against” the temptation to do evil (sin) in every instance. Every gift of God can be used as He intended, or, because of the Fall of Humankind, can be perverted and abused. Take the gift of speech. Words can encourage, comfort, and express joy.
Getting back to the issue of lust and fornication, the Church teaches that lust is a sin; lust can lead to other things such as fornication. Lust occurs in everyday life: we are supposed to fight it. If it is God’s will that we are to be joined to “one after whom we lust,” we are to marry. It’s as simple as that. It is only in marriage that sex is used as God intended. The Bible begins and ends with marriage — the first being Adam and Eve, and the last being the Bride to the Lamb. Marriage is holy, blessed, and everlasting in the sight of God and His Church. That is where a husband and wife experience a blessed union with one another in love. “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” (Hebrews 13:4)
The Bible is loud and clear on the issue of sex and marriage, which goes to show how important it is. Unfortunately, we live in a society where from TV shows to radio to advertising, the sexuality content is high. Fornication is presented as commonplace and accepted. This makes our job as Orthodox Christians harder because we have to deal with more and more people who sometimes don't know any better. So ask the Holy Spirit to guide you, and prepare yourself to explain what your faith teaches about sexuality and marriage. Hopefully, you will influence others in the right way – the true way – God’s way.