Sexuality and Marriage by Julianna Turk (Jun. ’02)
As teens in this society, we deal with many people who have different views, morals, and opinions on different things. One of these is premarital sex. Well, we know people think differently, but what are we supposed to think?
Being Orthodox Christians, we look to the Bible. Now in the Bible, pre-marital sex is called “fornication.” The Holy Book reads, “But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know, that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.” (Ephesians 5:3-5)
As you can see, fornication is looked down upon from the start. The Church teaches honesty and cleanliness amongst other things. Cleanliness is focused on in the church a lot – sometimes we don’t even think about the word because we chant it so often in church. Take the Theotokos, for example – we always call her the "Virgin" Mary stressing her cleanliness and purity. The priest or deacon says, “Calling to remembrance our all holy immaculate, most blessed and glorious lady Theotokos and ever Virgin Mary...” — which once again stresses her virginity. This is especially so during Holy Lent at the Bridegroom service where we say repeatedly, “Rejoice Oh Bride Without Bridegroom” — which reinforces the concept of her cleanliness. Of course, to maintain perspective, this is said about the Mother of Christ. However, the point is to show how much the Church uses “virginity” in our services.
We are called to live like Christ, and therefore we are constantly involved in the “war against the flesh.” As St. Paul writes, “I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like....” (Galatians 5:16-21)
In this passage by St. Paul, the word “flesh” is a general term for evil actions encompassing more than simply sins of the flesh such as adultery. He also includes sins of the mind such as envy. It is important to remember that God created the world good. Our bodies are not evil. Rather, it is our choice to do good with what God has given us, or to sin. We must “war against” the temptation to do evil (sin) in every instance. Every gift of God can be used as He intended, or, because of the Fall of Humankind, can be perverted and abused. Take the gift of speech. Words can encourage, comfort, and express joy.
Getting back to the issue of lust and fornication, the Church teaches that lust is a sin; lust can lead to other things such as fornication. Lust occurs in everyday life: we are supposed to fight it. If it is God’s will that we are to be joined to “one after whom we lust,” we are to marry. It’s as simple as that. It is only in marriage that sex is used as God intended. The Bible begins and ends with marriage — the first being Adam and Eve, and the last being the Bride to the Lamb. Marriage is holy, blessed, and everlasting in the sight of God and His Church. That is where a husband and wife experience a blessed union with one another in love. “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” (Hebrews 13:4)
The Bible is loud and clear on the issue of sex and marriage, which goes to show how important it is. Unfortunately, we live in a society where from TV shows to radio to advertising, the sexuality content is high. Fornication is presented as commonplace and accepted. This makes our job as Orthodox Christians harder because we have to deal with more and more people who sometimes don't know any better. So ask the Holy Spirit to guide you, and prepare yourself to explain what your faith teaches about sexuality and marriage. Hopefully, you will influence others in the right way – the true way – God’s way.