What are the pressures that society puts on teenagers to have sex, and how is the Church a place of refuge? (Dec. ’02)
He Said by JP Cervo
Sex is in every corner of a teenager’s life. Your top three favorite television shows probably have a few parts with sex involved. Most movies with a rating over PG are filled with sexual scenes. Besides the entertainment side of your life, your friends, fellow students, and your siblings are all talking about sex, all the time. I know that a typical conversation for most of my guy friends at school consists of comments about the goodlooking girl that just walked by. My younger brother is now talking about girls of the opposite sex like he is one of my friends at school. (He’s not quite at the level of talking about more than looking at the girls, and I hope it stay that way). It’s not just the guys talking about it either — girls do as well. I think that the guys probably look at the girls and just want to “hook-up” with them more than the girls want to “hook-up” with them. I’m not saying that the girls don’t want that either, some probably do more than the guys. The older teenagers are more into sexual activities than the younger ones. All of us though, from the ages of 12 to 19 are young adults and we want to experiment and know what “it” is. We have all heard from somebody older than us, how great “it” is. We get excited and can’t wait until we can have sex.
A close friend of mine at school, whom I look to for advice on things, had sex the summer before going into the ninth grade. Since then she has broken up with her boyfriend, but still feels love for him even though he hasn’t treated her kindly in the past. I believe that once you have sex with somebody at this age, it ties you to an invisible unhealthy relationship which none of us needs. Teens, especially younger teens, don’t need to get themselves involved with such relationships which hurt them mentally. Even at church functions, such as conferences and regional meetings, sex is on many teenagers’ minds. There isn’t a place people can truly escape from it all! People need to remember that there is a time for sex, which is later in our lives once we are married. And there is a place, which certainly is not at a church function.
I think that one of the main things that we Orthodox teens have as a help is the teaching of the Church. The Church basically tells us to simply not have sex until we are married. I think that a lot of Orthodox teens think about this anytime we are engaging in physical contact with the opposite sex. I know it goes through my mind all the time, and I also know that I have made the choice to save my virginity as an ultimate gift for my wife (assuming I do get married). We have all been told by our parents, our priests, our advisors, and our bishops not to have sex. Now our parents tell us that, and you and I both know that, but when a priest speaks about the importance of abstinence, we really think about it. And when a bishop gives us a sermon about it, we really have to examine our thinking on the subject and make sure that we’re making the best decision for ourselves, according to our faith. Bishop DEMETRI at the fall delegates meeting talked to us about the error of engaging in sexual intercourse at our age and before marriage. I know that I definitely took that into thought and consideration, especially since I was confronted with a situation involving sexual issues. If we all really concentrate on the teachings of the Church and listen to our spiritual fathers, we won’t have to worry as much about breaking this commandment.
She Said by Amanda Morgan
Sex is inescapable in today’s society. Take a look around you — somehow it is printed, played, or shown in some fashion, giving off the impression that everyone is “doing it.” Not only that, but it is portrayed as an insignificant, lighthearted topic. It is no longer a personal issue just between husband and wife. Sex is so pervasive that it comes up in typical everyday life, no matter where you turn. Sexuality is promoted in restaurants like Hooters, Herbal Essences commercials, provocative music, movies, and more. Whatever happened to the idea that physical relations are a private, intimate union that only husband and wife share? Teenagers especially are bombarded with pressures to fit a model of sexuality based on the people with whom they associate. They are pressured by their peers in their own little subculture, and also by teenage society as a whole.
Examples of subcultures are the popular crowd, jocks, and nerds (and these by no means are all of them). In each of these, sexuality is influenced based on the activities and interests of the members of the group. The pressure created in these stereotypes is part of what pushes teenagers to have sex. The fear of what would happen if they didn’t conform and the potential repercussions, such as loss of friends and identity, can be especially overwhelming. Will people think you’re different? Will no one like you? Where will you fit in?
As Orthodox Christians, we have another culture to draw on and to be influenced by — a counterculture, in fact, that is a place of refuge. I know that every person in my group of Orthodox friends is someone I can relate to, as we all have the same core beliefs and faith in the Truth. I am surrounded by friends who don’t pressure me, who accept me as an individual, and share a common belief in the Church and its teachings. This gives me the freedom to stand up against sinful pressures.
The main thing is that you and I have free will from God. No matter what influences or people surround us, Christian or non-Christian, we know what’s right. God will give us the strength to stay pure, to wait for the perfect gift of the sexual union between a husband and wife, if marriage is for us. We are free to go along with the crowd, or we can use our freedom to make the choice we won’t regret.