How far is too far in terms of the physical aspects of a relationship? (Feb. '01)
You know, such a question would not have been imagined a generation or two ago, and there are still many places in the world where this question would not be understood even in the year of 2001. Why? Because dating simply didn’t then and doesn’t there take place. Those societies, cultures, parents, whatever, don’t condone putting unmarried people – let alone adolescents with raging hormones! – in situations which easily and quickly tempt one to indulge in behavior which is only proper in marriage. But since dating does take place here and now, the question is extremely important. Let it first be said that morality, modesty, chastity, and virginity are not merely goals for a young Christian (either male or female), but are distinguishing characteristics of a young Christian. So then, “How far is too far?” The answer is clear and simple: “Anywhere that leads one into temptation to immorality, immodesty, unchastity, and fornication.” If you are aroused anywhere but in your heart, you’ve gone too far. If you feel you are losing emotional and physiological control, you’ve gone too far. If you find yourself fantasizing about doing things inappropriate for a member of Christ, or about having inappropriate things done to a temple of the Holy Spirit, you’ve gone too far. While temptation itself is not a sin, it is the first wave of an attack by Satan, a warning sign, if you will, that sin is fast approaching. And what is it that we pray? “Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the Evil One.” Why would any sane person pray one thing and deliberately do another? Father George Kalpouzos in his book How They Faced the Temptations in the Flesh reminds us, “Temptation is not a sin, it is an attack. Temptation is an exercise and trail which cultivates patience, perfection, and joy in the victory. Temptation must not cause fear, but it must give us courage when we face it with God’s help. In this way, we become worthy to receive the crown of glory.” If you are going to date, the best way is to: (1) date another Orthodox Christian who is also serious about his/her faith; (2) make it a double, triple, even quadruple date with others who are serious and committed to their faith; (3) go to wholesome and enjoyable places where you will be entertained rather have to provide your own entertainment; and (4) learn to recognize the many faces of temptation so that you can escape its snares.
(You can get How They Faced the Temptations in the Flesh from 8th Day Books in Wichita, Kansas. Toll-free phone 1-800-841-2541)