Life Out There

Life Out There
by Rebecca Shwayri (Apr. '01)

If it were not for Pascha, April would be my least favorite month of the year. Usually, I have several huge term papers due. Professors realize that they have only a few weeks until finals and decide to assign the whole international macroeconomics textbook for fun reading. Also, some students (like myself) are graduating in six weeks and we no longer want to read our entire international macroeconomics textbook.

Perhaps the biggest worry looming in the minds of many students is graduation. Some face it with an impending doom (do I have to be at work before noon). Others look at it with glee and happiness (no more finals). All students, however, are extremely worried. After all, what are we going to do when we grow up? Our Lord, however, tell us that we need not worry. Christ says: “Therefore do not worry...For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things” (Matthew 6:31-32). God asks us to have faith in Him because he will provide us with what we need. After all, if God provides the birds and flowers with enough food, He will provide us with our basic physical and spiritual needs. Notice that I used the word NEED. For us soon-to-be college graduates, we may not get that new Jaguar we think we need. We may also not get that new penthouse apartment we think we need. Furthermore, God is not just going to drop our rent check into our laps. Having faith in God is not an excuse to be lazy.

For those of you graduating in 2001, GOD BLESS and good luck to you. For those of you about to go to college, work hard and enjoy. And what will I be doing? Well, I’ll be in law school in the fall so I guess education really never ends.

CHRIST IS RISEN!

Rebecca Schwayri is the Teen Presidential Advisor to Society of Orthodox Youth Organizations and is a senior majoring in international relations at George Washington University.

Judging Others

Judging Others by Jason Misleh (Dec. ’01)

Do you judge people? I bet you do! We all do. Our society has raised us to judge on the basis of many things. Sex… Race… Religion… Ethnicity... you name it; we judge it. Is this wrong? Is there a difference between judging people and making a judgment call against someone?

“Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given back to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you.” (Luke 6: 37-38) I know what you’re thinking! “Hey, Jay! What’s your point?!” Well, my point is this. The Bible states that we will be judged with the same judgment we judge with. So, does this mean that we should judge everyone as a good person so we are also judged as good people? Well, what about those of us who have to judge people as bad? Police officers, detectives, loss prevention personnel…. They have to make judgment calls every day of their lives.

Working as an undercover loss prevention team member for a popular store, I make judgment calls on people every day. Christmas shopping makes this one of the busiest and most challenging times of the year for me. From the time a person walks into my store until when he or she walks down the liquor or CD aisle, I have to evaluate them. Now, I don’t just make stupid or ignorant judgments — they are based on tons of statistics. They include race, sex, age, and body language. I have to occasionally crawl on the floor, peer around shelving units, watch from a camera room to see if a person is concealing merchandise — all just to make a judgment call. If it goes against them, I follow the person out of the store and ask them to place their hands behind their back. I’ve had to make negative judgment calls against more than a few people. Now, I do admit, there are the times when I’ve followed perfectly honest people around, who don’t steal. That was a bad judgment call on my part; but hey, I’m human too!

So, how does this all tie into the Bible verse at the beginning? There is a great difference between making a judgment call versus judging a person. Due to my job, I am required to make judgment calls against people I don’t know every day.

Another example would be in a relationship. You have to judge whether or not you want to have a relationship with someone. As a police officer you would have to judge whether someone was dangerous or not. That is a judgment call. As Orthodox Christians, we are called to be “in the world, but not of the world.” I find this extremely different from making a personal judgment, for example, of a beggar on the street and his reasons for being in the position he is in. Is he lazy and shady, or is he desperately seeking help to get out of a situation he does not want to be in?

We are all guilty of occasionally jumping to conclusions about people. This is especially true of us teenagers who are very caught up in what our society feeds us about looks, behaviors, relationships, etc. The need to fit in, be accepted, or develop a personal identity often blurs how we view others or even how we treat others.

As far as our faith as Orthodox Christians is concerned, we are called to see the image of God in our fellow human beings. Despite how society conditions us to relate to each other, we must work hard to distinguish ourselves and live our lives in a way that is over and above society.

We must continually strive to overcome the temptation of judging others and seek, rather, to judge ourselves in light of how we deal with others. In doing this, we might just start seeing in others what God sees in them.

Lenten Discipline

Lenten Discipline
by Mary Pier (Mar. '01)

“Now behold, there was a man named Zacchaeus who was a chief tax collector…” Every time this passage of Luke’s Gospel is read, a sudden wave of awareness comes over me. Zacchaeus Sunday is the first of the five Lenten preparatory Sundays. At this time, there is only one thought going through my mind: there are only five weeks left till the official start of Lent. Then my survival instincts kick in. I stock up on “Icy Hot” and Neosporin, for all of the aches, pains, and rug burns that come from prostrations. For the next five weeks, I am a regular customer at all the fast food restaurants in the York County area, eating as many burgers and chicken nuggets as I can before the start of Lent. I’m sure that all of you have had similar experiences. Just as we all have our preparations before Lent, there also preparations during the season of Lent that will ready us for the Resurrection of the Lord.

Lent is a preparation for the Resurrection of Christ resting on a tripod of fasting, prayer, and almsgiving. In Lent, we are called to take a step back from the everyday bustle of our lives and concentrate on Christ again. It’s a renewal period, a time to start over, and focus on being members of the body of Christ – instead of the world. The three elements of fasting, prayer, and almsgiving are instituted —not to make our lives miserable — but to help us achieve our goal of growing closer to God in the Lenten Season.

Fasting is the most active of the three that affects us during Lent. We are asked to give up all or a combination of the following items: meat, dairy products, wine, and oil. These strict guidelines are not for everyone. Most of the time we only focus on abstaining from meat. However, we should not focus too much on what we give up. The reasoning behind fasting is not just about abstaining from some foods. Fasting teaches us to discipline and control our body’s wants and desires. We are then supposed to use this control to focus on abstaining from sin, which brings us closer to God. “Therefore, also now, saith the Lord, turn ye to me with all your heart, and with fasting, and with weeping, and with mourning: And rend your heart, and not your garments, and turn unto the Lord.” (Joel 2: 12-13) This passage emphasizes the importance for fasting to be accompanied with the desire to turn from sin. Fasting is also used to bring God into our lives more often. Every time we make the decision to order a puny Garden Salad over a Bacon Double Cheeseburger (extra cheese), God enters our lives. When deciding between the two meals, we remember that the reason we choose the salad is because we love God, and want to grow closer to Him.

The element of prayer is a silent element of Lenten preparation. A rough definition of prayer is “a conversation with God.” If the purpose of Lent is to draw closer to God, then talking to Him more often is an excellent way to establish a greater relationship with Him. Oftentimes, we find ourselves just drifting through life with no direction. Monday through Saturday we are overwhelmed with work, school, and friends. Our busy schedules rarely allow us any time to think, let alone pray. God may only appear once out of the entire week, on Sunday morning when we are half-asleep and exhausted from Saturday night’s excursions. Lent offers more opportunities for us to break from this monotonous routine, by attending Lenten services during the week and increasing our own personal prayer. By taking five or ten more minutes out of our day to pray, we are refocusing our lives five or ten minutes more on things concerning God, instead of the world.

The last element of Lent is almsgiving. Like fasting, almsgiving is another way that we discipline ourselves. We are called to move away from temptations and distractions that lead us to sin. Money is one of the greatest distractions we know. “For if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.” (Matthew 5:30) Also when we are charitable and are selfless in our giving to help our brothers and sisters who are in need, we come a little bit closer to understanding the sacrifice that Jesus made on the cross for our sins.

These guidelines are instituted for our benefit to draw closer to God. We are not, however, supposed to parade our good deeds before men. God is the only one who needs to know that we are fasting, praying, and giving alms. Instructions on how to fast, pray, and give alms are found in chapter six of Matthew’s Gospel. When fasting, “Do not be like the hypocrites, with a sad countenance. For they disfigure their faces that they may appear to me to be fasting.” Instead, “anoint your head and wash your face, so that you do not appear to men to be fasting.” When praying, do not “pray standing in the synagogues and on the corners of the streets, that [you] may be seen by men.” Instead, “Go into your room, and when you have shut the door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly.” When giving alms, “Do not do your charitable deeds before men, to be seen by them… do not sound a trumpet before you as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory from men.” Instead, “When you do a charitable deed, do not let your left hand know what your right is doing, that your charitable deed may be seen in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly.”

If we follow those guidelines, Lent will have a different and more powerful meaning. That’s not saying, however, that the task before us is easy. On the contrary, it is quite difficult – but possible. Take your time and be patient with yourself. When you stumble, do not despair, but try again. Another thing to remember is that Lent is only a starting block. Prayer, charity, and self-discipline should not be abandoned after Pascha. We should continue to practice them and use them to keep focused on our goal of attaining God’s kingdom and drawing nearer to Him.

Life Out There

Life Out There
by Rebecca Shwayri (Mar. '01)

Striving to live an Orthodox life during Great Lent can be an immense challenge while in college.  After all, how can one find time to attend the plethora of services when midterms, papers, and assignments demand so much? Is it even possible to find acceptable Lenten food if you are on the meal plan?  Living Lent is actually possible with some day-to-day changes.

First, we must make sure that Christ is the focus of the Lenten season.  With all the services and fasting, we must not allow ourselves to lose focus.  In other words, fasting is not an end in and of itself.  Rather, fasting is the means to an even greater end: becoming closer to our Lord, God, and Savior Jesus Christ.  When I was on the meal plan at school, I found it quite difficult to eat healthy meals while observing the Fast.  Ultimately, I realized that the purpose of the Lenten Fast is to help me focus on Christ, and I should not become unhealthy or sick from fasting.  I decided to observe parts of the Fast in order to be healthy while striving to become closer to God.

Second, we must not look down upon those who are not fasting.  St. Paul writes: "Let not him who eats despise him who does not eat, and let not him who does not eat judge him who eats; for God has received him.” (Romans 14:3)  If we decide to fast, we must not become puffed up because we are fasting while others are not fasting.  God will receive each man equally.  We must also be sure not to brag to others if we fast: "More-over, when you fast, do not be like the hypocrites, with a sad countenance.  For they disfigure their faces that they may appear to men to be fasting." (Matthew 6:16)

Finally, it is important to attend the services, read the Scripture daily, and pray daily.  If you live far from an Orthodox Church, daily prayer and Scripture readings are even more important during the Lenten period.  In all that you do, be sure to keep your focus on Christ so that your endeavors are successful.

Rebecca Schwayri is the Teen Presidential Advisor to Society of Orthodox Youth Organizations and is a senior majoring in international relations at George Washington University.

Life Out There (II)

Life Out There by Nadia Lawand (Mar. ’02)

For many of us college and university students, March is big on studying for midterms and looking forward to Spring Break. What we sometimes overlook in the hustle and bustle of midterms is Great Lent.

We live in a materialistic society where “things” and having “things” are extremely important. People look for self-pleasure rather than the gratification that can only come from virtuous acts such as fasting, prayers, and altruistic service to others. These things are not necessarily easy or fun to do, but they have a positive effect on society.

As we live in our current society, we mustn’t think of Lent as a time where we simply eat less meat, go to more church services, and deprive ourselves. As we fast we imitate what the Prophet Moses, St. John the Baptist, Jesus Christ Himself, and many others did. We purify our minds and souls from our hectic society and open our hearts to God. Fasting takes place both with our body and with our spirit and therefore our participation is dependant upon our personal situations.

Therefore, there are multiple ways we can observe the fast during Lent. There are so many things we can do. While fasting from types of food such as meat or dairy, we need to be vigilant and keep the fast. These are bodily factors. We must be vigilant in many different ways, such as: attending services and participating attentively, especially during Holy Week, being watchful of our words and thoughts so not to be angry, judgmental, or gossipy.

In such a busy society as ours it is very difficult to keep away all the noise, distractions, and temptations; but we must limit all the noise on the exterior in order to be able to concentrate on the interior. Even as students in college and university we are able to obey the fast for Lent. Yes, we have mid-terms, we are away from home, we only have cafeteria food, we have so much stress, and not much time to go to services, but that’s not an excuse. We can turn off our MSN and AOL Instant Messaging, unplug our televisions, stop going to movies, stop drinking, and attempt to focus on Christ instead. We need to look outside the box and really re-think the purpose of Lent in order to truly participate to the best of our abilities.

So this Lent, let’s all try to change our thoughts and direction. With prayer, repentance and focus we can keep our thoughts on God and become closer to God. This is a time when we must seek knowledge, discipline ourselves, and put aside the physical world for God.

Nadia Lawand is a first-year university student (equivalent to a sophomore) at Concordia University in Montreal.

Let's Talk About Love

Let's Talk About Love
by Danielle Solomon (Feb. '01)

When someone says, “I love you,” you get a little jittery for a second. Your brain tries to process the words, wondering what does this person mean? The answer normally falls into one of seven types of love. I’m not saying consider all seven options every time someone tells you they love you, but I’m just saying keep them close at hand. The seven types of love are as follows:  Divine, Platonic, Love of Things, Erotic, Romantic, Puppy and True love . To help you further understand the different types, I will elaborate.

Divine love is the most important type of love. It is the love that all other loves should be modeled after. It is the love you have for God and the love that comes from God Himself. God is love. As St. John tells us, “He who does not love does not know God for God is love.” (I John 4:8)

I especially like this passage: “I am the Lord, I have called you righteousness, I will also hold you by the hand and watch over you…” ( Isaiah 42:6 ) This is a very comforting passage for me to read.  It means to me that God will always be there for us no matter the sin or action so long as we repent and return to him. You can confess your sins and every action unto God, knowing that He loves us and desires that we turn from our sins. That is one of the many awesome powers of God. He guards and guides us through each day of our entire life.  He is only a prayer away and we must remember that. God loves us and watches over us in this lifetime and for all eternity.

This next passage could describe either Divine or Platonic love. “He put a child in the middle of the room. Then, cradling the little one in his arms, he said, ‘Whoever embraces one of these children as I do, embraces me, and far more than me -- God who has sent me.’ ” (Mark 9:36, 37) Even though God is the Creator of all, He is always there to give us strength. We should likewise support and love each other. Only if you love embrace) others can you actually love God. If you treat others with love and respect, you love and respect God.

All of the above passages speak to the meaning of Divine love. Taken as a whole, they say God loves you more than anyone you will ever meet. He wants you to know that when all your hopes and dreams have been shattered and you can’t find meaning in your life, He will be there to love you strongly. He loves us no matter what our sins and faults may be. We are His creations and he cherishes each and every one of us.  He is our Heavenly Father and will always be there for us.

As mentioned earlier, there is the love shared between friends and family. This is known as Platonic love. You can care strongly for others, but the relationship isn’t based on physical attraction. I have so many great and wonderful friends who are always there for me through good times or bad to help me. Usually when someone says,  “I love you,” you automatically think of love that’s part of a romantic relationship. For example, what happens between a boy and girl when they really get to know each other. However, when I want to thank my friends in a way that means a lot to me I can say, “I love you” without feeling weird about it because I know that they know I love them platonically.

The next type of love isn’t something between two people. Love of things is the kind where we feel strongly about a sport, perhaps a TV show, perhaps a particular dessert. This type of love revolves around materials and activities in the physical world. For example, I love to play soccer. This is something I am passionate about. This type of comment can be distinguished from the simple comment such as when somebody says that they love your hair. They aren’t actually in love with it; they just really like it.

Erotic love is the want for a sexual relationship. This type is usually based on what happens as a result of when a guy or girl gets sexually aroused or is the result of intense physical attraction. This is typically a selfish type of love, as it is about satisfying a personal desire. Furthermore, many people tend to confuse sex as an act of love, when the action and the emotion are not always intertwined (although they should be).

Romantic love is the type of love that is affectionate. You aren’t afraid to show your emotions or feelings for another person in public. Usually this is referred to as Public Show (display) of Affection (PSA). I know I hate to see people in public kissing or displaying themselves in an unreasonable fashion. You don’t need to show the world how much you love someone by displaying yourselves but with other little things. Those are the things that matter the most. Romantic love is also very much a part of true love.

Puppy love is the sense of infatuation, otherwise known as a crush. You only care about how the person looks or what the person does. A majority of people around my age may say they are in love, but they have no clue what the word means. This is basically infatuation. Most adults refer to these relationships as “Puppy Love.” Infatuation usually happens quickly. Due to personal experience, the relationship might feel right at first, but in reality it would never work out. Infatuation is a very jealous type of love. If the other person in the relationship sees you talking with someone else, they might think you are cheating on them, leading them to question your every action. If there is one thing I got out of the long mother-daughter talks, it must be that love at a young age (infatuation) is such an emotional roller coaster. At one moment, things are “too good to be true,” while the next, you’re absolutely crushed. Going up and down like that is enough to get anyone irritated or sick of the relationship.

True love on the other hand requires you to know that person very well. You must trust that person enough to have other friends of the opposite sex and know that they wouldn’t do anything with the other person because they love you. This is what usually hurts the most; you lose that person’s trust and respect. A true love cares about your inner beauty, not just your exterior beauty. It doesn’t lock you up or control you. Love isn’t selfish; it shares you and your qualities with others to enrich everyone’s lives. You feel safe inside their arms. The other person believes in you, making you yourself believe you’re capable of that much more. The world that true lovers live in is practical and realistic. They know how far the relationship can go and accept it.

True love can be defined in one word CARING.  Each letter of CARING stands for a different part of love. “C” is Concern.  This relates to an individual’s concern for the other’s well-being. You want the best for them. Your concern for them is unselfish. That means you care more about how they succeed than yourself.

“A” stands for acceptance. This incorporates unconditional love, which means you love them despite their faults. Love should not be unconditional. So if someone says to you “I love you but...,”  they don’t REALLY love you.

The next letter, “R,” represents responsibility. You make decisions about the relationship that will be best for everyone and not harm anyone. You think before and after an action and take responsibility for the end result, bad or good.  Love can say yes, no, or NOT YET. Remember if someone REALLY loves you they won’t push you into doing anything you don’t feel comfortable with.

“I” means integrity.  You are honest and truthful with the other person in the relationship.  For that person to trust you, you must be straightforward with them. You don’t put the other person down or make them feel bad about themselves. You see the person for who they truly are and love them for it. No matter what you don’t try to change them.

“N” is nurture. When you love someone, you want the best for them even if it doesn’t benefit you in any way, shape or form.  Just seeing them happy makes you happy.  You help them grow and mature into the best person he or she can possible be.  You stick with them through easy and hard times.

“G” stands for giving.  When you give, it involves a risk.  For example, you go up to the other person and tell them you love them, you take a risk because you have no clue what their response will be.  There are two people in a relationship; therefore, both must give something to benefit another. When you love someone, you give the very best of yourself.

There are many differences between true love and infatuation, but what we all must remember is that we all go through stages in our lives where we think we are in love and we really aren’t. It’s often said that it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Even I know that, and I have not yet experienced my life to its fullest. If there is one thing I cannot stress enough, it would be that God will always be there to love each and every one of us, no matter what. “Now I saw a new Heaven and a new earth and God shall wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.” (Revelations 21: 1-4)

How Do You Feel About Mixed-Religion Marriages?

How Do You Feel About Mixed-Religion Marriages? Why? (Apr. '01)

He Said by Randy Bahbah
Marriage is one of the sacraments of the church, which makes it as important as Baptism or Chrismation. I think when someone gets married in the church they are following God’s teachings in the way that we should live our lives. Moreover, our lives should be lived without anger, greed, and jealousy. I know that going throughout your life without feeling any of those sins would be unlikely, but I think a good portion of those sins can be prevented by a single decision of marrying someone with the same faith.

I think when we talk about mixed-religion marriages, we really want to know if it will work out or not. So to start off, I guess I’ll name a few tiny questions that might cause a problem. First, what church will the marriage take place in? Then, what church will you attend after you get married? What about Communion and Baptism? As you can see, my advice on marrying someone who is of a different faith would be that it is not recommended, but to be fair, it also depends on the situation. If someone is not strong in practicing his or her own faith then the dilemma of converting will not be too serious for the individual and the marriage would work out without any problems of converting (other than not having a close relationship with God). On the other hand, if someone were strong towards in his or her own faith, I think the choice of marriage would more than likely be with someone of the person’s own faith, therefore eliminating the problem from the start.

Once again, Marriage is a sacrament of the church and should be treated with proper respect. In years past, a concept such as a mixed-religion marriage would never have been considered. Now, living in a society with lax standards, it’s rare that we give the idea a second thought (above and beyond this column). If we understand that God is the center of all relationships, then I believe the person as an individual will not have to think about marrying outside his or her own faith.

She Said by Natasha Katrib
I feel that for two people to love each other enough they should share the same interests, and most importantly, their religion and commitment of faith. As an Orthodox Christian, I feel that the Church is the center of my life, and the focus in my eyes. As I go day-by-day, I focus on Christ and the faith that I believe in. I honestly don't think that I could go about my day without knowing that I had God by my side. I could not imagine spending my whole life with someone who doesn't feel the same way. I want to share a special bond, one that isn’t just between my husband and me, but one that contains God as our center, holding us together.

I’m sure that to many people religion is not very important. I feel that it has to do with how you have grown up, and the faith that you have grown up in. I can't even imagine how challenging it would be to be married to someone that wasn't Orthodox. How would the wedding service be? How would we pray together? What church would our family attend? In what religion would we raise our children? And most importantly... how would we be bonded and united with God, if we both believed in different things about God? These are a few if the questions that would arise from a marriage between two people of different religions. They are questions that can be avoided if you’re convinced you can’t imagine sharing your life and your faith with a person who isn’t Orthodox.

A Sister’s Wedding

A Sister’s Wedding
by Lillian Saad (Feb. ’02)

I love weddings. I love the fact that two people have found each other in this vast world. And I think it is one of the most beautiful events that can occur in life. I was blessed to go on a trip to Lebanon this past summer. Not just any trip though, it was my sister's wedding. On June 10, 2001, my family departed from Wichita, Kansas, for the wedding of my oldest sister in Balamand, Lebanon. We had seven days to get ready for the wedding. Thank God for the grooms family in Lebanon, who did most of the work before we got there. It was the most beautiful wedding I have ever attended. (I may be biased though, seeing how the bride is my sister.) I’m sure that even if she wasn't related to me I would still have to say that the wedding was out of some story-book.

In Lebanon, there are many wedding traditions that I had to learn about. Two days before the wedding, the groom's family puts on a formal party and almost everyone who is invited to the wedding itself is present. It is more like a hafleh (celebration), but trust me, in Lebanon, it is even more fun. It was a beautiful night with music, dancing, a mesa of food, and, of course, cutting the cake. The night before the wedding the bride's family throws a party. But because we had a whole week's worth of tiresome planning and preparations, we opted to go out to a nice restaurant right on the Mediterranean. Little did we know that after eleven this restaurant has an open dance floor! And having Arab-dancing blood running through our veins... we just had to dance. We took over the dance floor; it was a beautiful evening.

On the wedding day, everybody got up and ate breakfast. The hairdressers and the bride’s family came around noon to help us prepare for the big day that was before us. The groom and the groomsmen were dressing and anxiously anticipating their arrival at the church. The groom’s immediate family went to his house to take pictures and prepare to escort the bride to the church. Around 2:00 p.m the photographer came to take pictures of the not-so-ready bride and her immediate family. Needless to say, we were running on an “Arab time schedule.” The groom’s immediate family arrived around 4:00 p.m. to take some photographs with the bride and her family. At 5:00 p.m. the fathers escorted the bride out of her house and into the limo for the journey to the Balamand Monastery. We arrived around 5:45 p.m. and saw a massive crowd.

Before entering the church, the bride is escorted by both her father and the groom’s father to meet her future husband. Here the fathers greet the bride and the groom with a kiss, and the bride’s father places her hand in the hands of her soon-to-be husband. This symbolizes the fathers’ uniting their children and their acceptance of their marriage. Inside, the church was so full that there was barely any room for anyone to sit. The icons on the altar were so breathtaking with their Byzantine appearance, and the aisle was decorated with several arches of assorted white flowers which added to the beauty of the church. There is a very wonderful event in traditional Orthodox weddings in which the bride, groom, and priest untie a bow at the back of the church. This symbolizes the couple beginning their life together in the church. While chanting and censing, the priest then leads the bride and groom to the altar for the ceremony. One fact about the wedding ceremony that I was not aware of: the priest is the one to put the ring on the bride’s hand, not her husband. This represents the fact that Christ is the one who unites the man and woman in this sacred bond. Kissing is not permitted in the church; at the end of the ceremony my brother-in law laid a gentle kiss on her forehead. Once they were out of the church they kissed, and he carried her to the patio. After about half an hour of more pictures we all got into the limousine and headed over to the Octagon, a very nice restaurant in the secluded mountainous region of northern Lebanon, only a short 20- minute drive from Balamand University and church. When we arrived, we formed a line of immediate family and wedding party members, greeting each and every guest who attended. I have never kissed so many people in my life! It must have taken at least an hour for everyone to arrive and go through the line. Next was the delicious mesa of food that was prepared for the cocktail party. I say mesa because I have never seen anything so beautiful. In Lebanon, artists like to embellish everything! Whether they are chefs or designers, everything has to be extravagant and beautiful. There were boats of meat pies, and towers of baklava, and some food that I had never seen before but that tasted great. My sister and her husband used a sword to cut the cake. It looked like so much fun. It was a storybook wedding, and I can only pray to find a love as wonderful as theirs.

SO... is this to say that the only way a man and woman can get married is with an extravagant wedding with all the bells and whistles? Or is this to say that a wedding must be “fairy-tale”-like to really count? By all means NO. However, a man and a woman joining together is a beautiful event which should be celebrated to its fullest. This does not mean that we should become gluttons who are filled with drunkenness. But it does call for us to celebrate a union which has been given and blessed by God. In Ecclesiastes 3:1, we read “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven.” If the joining together of a man and a woman to make one life, one sacrifice before God, is not reason to celebrate, than what is?

In today’s society, especially here in America, weddings and marriages outside the Church have become more of a spectacle than a sacrament. Movie stars, for example, get married while dangling from helicopters or while skiing down a ski slope. Sure there may be celebrations and festivities, but is there the JOY that can only come from Christ being the bond? Marriage, just like the ring, should be unending. It’s not just one day to show off your pretty dress and cake to the world. On the contrary, the cup of marriage includes BOTH joys and sorrows. This is quite often lost in our present-day way of life.

By all means a wedding should be celebrated to the fullest, for it is a wonderful event with the person God has given you. However, without the love and unity which only Christ can give, all the flowers, the dancing, and delicious food are only empty representations. It is the bond of Christ which truly unifies! This is what I felt at my sister’s wedding, and this is what I hope to feel at mine someday.

Sexuality and Marriage

Sexuality and Marriage by Julianna Turk (Jun. ’02)

As teens in this society, we deal with many people who have different views, morals, and opinions on different things. One of these is premarital sex. Well, we know people think differently, but what are we supposed to think?

Being Orthodox Christians, we look to the Bible. Now in the Bible, pre-marital sex is called “fornication.” The Holy Book reads, “But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know, that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.” (Ephesians 5:3-5)

As you can see, fornication is looked down upon from the start. The Church teaches honesty and cleanliness amongst other things. Cleanliness is focused on in the church a lot – sometimes we don’t even think about the word because we chant it so often in church. Take the Theotokos, for example – we always call her the "Virgin" Mary stressing her cleanliness and purity. The priest or deacon says, “Calling to remembrance our all holy immaculate, most blessed and glorious lady Theotokos and ever Virgin Mary...” — which once again stresses her virginity. This is especially so during Holy Lent at the Bridegroom service where we say repeatedly, “Rejoice Oh Bride Without Bridegroom” — which reinforces the concept of her cleanliness. Of course, to maintain perspective, this is said about the Mother of Christ. However, the point is to show how much the Church uses “virginity” in our services.

We are called to live like Christ, and therefore we are constantly involved in the “war against the flesh.” As St. Paul writes, “I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like....” (Galatians 5:16-21)

In this passage by St. Paul, the word “flesh” is a general term for evil actions encompassing more than simply sins of the flesh such as adultery. He also includes sins of the mind such as envy. It is important to remember that God created the world good. Our bodies are not evil. Rather, it is our choice to do good with what God has given us, or to sin. We must “war against” the temptation to do evil (sin) in every instance. Every gift of God can be used as He intended, or, because of the Fall of Humankind, can be perverted and abused. Take the gift of speech. Words can encourage, comfort, and express joy.

Getting back to the issue of lust and fornication, the Church teaches that lust is a sin; lust can lead to other things such as fornication. Lust occurs in everyday life: we are supposed to fight it. If it is God’s will that we are to be joined to “one after whom we lust,” we are to marry. It’s as simple as that. It is only in marriage that sex is used as God intended. The Bible begins and ends with marriage — the first being Adam and Eve, and the last being the Bride to the Lamb. Marriage is holy, blessed, and everlasting in the sight of God and His Church. That is where a husband and wife experience a blessed union with one another in love. “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” (Hebrews 13:4)

The Bible is loud and clear on the issue of sex and marriage, which goes to show how important it is. Unfortunately, we live in a society where from TV shows to radio to advertising, the sexuality content is high. Fornication is presented as commonplace and accepted. This makes our job as Orthodox Christians harder because we have to deal with more and more people who sometimes don't know any better. So ask the Holy Spirit to guide you, and prepare yourself to explain what your faith teaches about sexuality and marriage. Hopefully, you will influence others in the right way – the true way – God’s way.

Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day
by Taleen Khalaf (May ‘01)

As you of course know, Mother’s Day is on the 13th of May.  Many of us are going to go through extraordinary measures to make our moms happy, like taking them out to eat at a fancy restaurant, or buying expensive gifts.  But for those who are low on the dough and high on love, here are some very inexpensive ways to show your mom you care.

• Write a heartfelt poem describing why your mom is special to you. 
• Make chore coupons.  Moms love those.